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Apr. 22nd, 2006 01:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leia131Why is it always me who has to shove my feelings aside to make sure no one else gets hurt? Why do I always have to try and stifle my crushes or whatever they are, so everyone else can be happy? When is it my turn to be the one everyone else sacrifices some feelings for?
What if one day I stop being able to turn these feelings off? What will happen to the unobtainable object of my affection if I can't stop liking them the way I've been able to just stop liking all the others?
What if this is the reason I'm miserable? What if I haven't really killed all my feelings for Phil? Why am I still beating that long dead and decayed horse? (Because I still have dreams about him, that's why. Don't think about him all day, then I have these fucking dreams...) What if he's the reason I'm miserable? (Actually, that's probably not much of a what if.)
Why am I thinking about this now? Today? At 1:49am?
More importantly, what's the answer?
I just want to be loved and desired. For who I am. For all my little quirks. Just by one person. Is that so terribly much to ask?
I shouldn't be allowed to think past Midnight. Somebody stop me.
What if one day I stop being able to turn these feelings off? What will happen to the unobtainable object of my affection if I can't stop liking them the way I've been able to just stop liking all the others?
What if this is the reason I'm miserable? What if I haven't really killed all my feelings for Phil? Why am I still beating that long dead and decayed horse? (Because I still have dreams about him, that's why. Don't think about him all day, then I have these fucking dreams...) What if he's the reason I'm miserable? (Actually, that's probably not much of a what if.)
Why am I thinking about this now? Today? At 1:49am?
More importantly, what's the answer?
I just want to be loved and desired. For who I am. For all my little quirks. Just by one person. Is that so terribly much to ask?
I shouldn't be allowed to think past Midnight. Somebody stop me.
