A meme from [personal profile] schmoo999



1. My username is _____ because ____.
2. My journal is titled ____ because ____.
3. My subtitle is ____ because ____.
4. My friends page is called ____ because ____.
5. My default userpic is ____ because ___



1. Ok. Waaaaaaaaay back when I started making up usernames on the internet, the first site I had to create one for was lego.com. And I wanted to be Leia13, because I like Princess Leia (I like Han Solo better, but I wanted a girl name, seeing as I am a girl,) and I like the number 13. (It's a very underappreciated number. Unlucky, BAH.) But that name was taken, so lego.com randomly generated Leia131 for me. And I liked it, so I carried it with me over to LJ.

2. My title right now is "Lies and falsehoods, Padfoot!" which is a quote from Stealing Harry because that fic brings on the happy. It comes from a this conversation: 

"You weren't supposed to drink the whole flask."
"I didn't. You had at least half."
"A quarter, and I hold my liquor better."
"Lies and falsehoods, Padfoot!"

Basically, to name my journal I went through all the random fanfic quotes I had amassed and picked some short ones from fics that I liked. (And ones that were sort of applicable to a journal setting too.)

3. My subtitle is "I am attempting to find meaning over here. You are cramping my groove." which is another fanfic quote (see above). This one is Sirius talking to himself, when he's being introspective and trying to figure out what to do with his life after Hogwarts.

4. My friends page is called "Sirius is a carbohydrate addict." Yet another fanfic quote. I picked this one because I love carbs, and I love Sirius. 'Nuff said.

5. My default pic is Sebastian with the little figures of Ariel and Eric from atop their wedding cake. My default pic is always from The Little Mermaid, cause it is my favorite movie ever. I picked this one cause I have a ton of icons without Ariel in them, but I never use them cause I like her. This one was a nice compromise. :)



Of course, I change my titles and icons all the time, so you know.
Do you ever find yourself reading a fic, and begin to suspect that it is a Bad Fic? Well, how can you be sure? When should you forget about wanting to know how it ends and just stop wasting your time? Never fear. Here's my handy guide on how to tell if the fic you're reading is Bad.

Bad Fics fall into three basic categories:

1. Good story, bad writing. This one isn't totally awful, because one can usually overlook the bad writing (especially if it's just some grammar or spelling) and concentrate on the compelling story and characterizations. A lack of imagery or an advanced vocabulary doesn't necessarily ruin a good plot. However, if the grammar/spelling/wording causes you to go "WTF?" and overpowers the story, I suggest you give up on it. If the plot is stupid and/or the characters are OOC*, it's not a good story, and doesn't belong in this category.

2. Bad story, good writing. This is where the characters do things they would probably not do, or the plot is just too far out there, or the fic is not something you'd usually read but you though you'd give it a shot, because it's by an author you like, or it has beautiful imagery. It's entirely possible for good authors with nice metaphors and perfect spelling/grammar to butcher certain characters or give in to sheltering plot bunnies that were better left out to starve. If you find yourself realizing that the words are lovely but you just don't buy it, it's time to let it go.

3. Bad story and bad writing. These are the worst of the lot. Fortunately, they are also the easiest to discover. These stories usually have incorrect spellings, sometimes even of character names or place names, and bad grammar, frequently in the form of random tense shifts. Along with this, the characters not only are OOC, but they say and do things that are beyond unlikely; they're downright ludicrous. This is all assuming that the plot makes sense, which it may not. Even in a PWP**, you need to start with a plausible situation. People don't merely walk up to one another and start shagging. Usually. If you have no idea what you're reading, either because you're thinking "That paragraph makes no sense, and I read it three times," or "Who the hell are these people, because they're not the characters I know!" stop reading and move on to better things.


Also: Never continue reading a fic with anything similar to the following dialogue in it:
“Do you want to sit on my face?”
“I thought you would never ask.”
  ***

I don't care if they are fictional, PEOPLE DO NOT SAY THINGS LIKE THAT.



That's all I have for tonight. I hope you've enjoyed this guide, and that it helps your time reading fics be well spent!













*Out of Character
**Plot? What Plot?
***Yes, I actually read this in a fic tonight. Someone really wrote that dialogue.
I just read this in a fic: I think every girl should read porn. How very true that is. How very very true. Maybe even my new motto. An affirmation of sorts.



And guys, please. I'm begging here. Shamelessly. Read my fic and give me some feedback. I need more than one opinion, though I'm grateful for the one. Please? Cause you love me?

Pretty please?
With a cherry on top?
And porn?
I have been asked on more than one occasion, by more than one person, what I see in fanfiction and/or the Remus/Sirius ship.

Consider that I am a sap, a hopeless romantic, a writer myself and therefore appreciative of good writing, and lonely.

Then read this:

"Sirius is snoring, right in the middle of Remus’ bed, with one foot dangling over the edge of the mattress and his hair in his eyes. He’s wearing Remus’ clothes – pajamas, a shirt, two sweaters and a scarf – and he’s gripping the latter with both of his hands.

Remus pads across the room and stares, perplexed. Sirius is drooling and the noises he’s making would scare small children, but for some reason this makes Remus want to kiss him hard. He doesn’t know what earned him a Sirius in his bed, but bets there’s some shadow lurking in the other boy’s dreams.

Remus fumbles until his hand closes over Sirius’, and holds on tight against the pain he still feels. The swap is comfort for comfort, and he’d rather be anchored by touch right now than sleep in the the widest bed in the world."

Now pretend that they're not Remus and Sirius. Substitute any couple you want into there. Boys, girls, some combination of the two, whatever floats your firetruck.

Then tell me that's not the sweetest thing you've ever read. I defy anyone to tell me that there isn't someone, or you wish there was someone who you'd want to kiss even though he/she snores.

Or tell me I'm just a sap. But I admitted that already.
I think, in regards to my previous post, that this is an omen: Things are messed up enough that maybe he should just do what he wants. It can't turn out any worse. (Assuming that 'he' is really I.)

I love Abby. I popped her Edward Scissorhands cherry tonight. (You know, that's really a lovely expression. I think I'm going to use that more often.)

Hahahaha my subject line makes me laugh. "It's 3 am and she calls me cause I'm still awake..." (You don't need to tell me that the line is 2 am. I am well aware of that.)

"It's 3 am I must be lonely..." Hahahahahaha!

Fanfiction has killed all my brain cells. All of them. Mush. But it's happy mush.


Five Fun Facts For The Day:

1. The only way that Draco could deflower Lucius during Draco’s gay Death Eater initiation is if Lucius were still a complete virgin at the time of the ceremony. Umm… that’s technically impossible unless… umm… Draco is really Virgin!Birth!Draco, Petri!Dish!Draco or Wormtail’s!Very!Secret!Bastard!Child!Draco.

2. If Ultra!Fertle!Slash!Harry attempted to impregnate every single male character at Hogwarts before graduation, how the fuck is he going to have time to study for his N.E.W.T.s? (These are from parody lists making fun of bad!fic. Laugh. I did. A lot.)

3. While there is nothing wrong with eating rat when you have fur and paws – because that's what you do – there's something infinitely disturbing about eating rat because someone has told you it's chicken.

4. Having your supervisor-slash-friend hanging over your shoulder sort of puts a crimp in any plans of mass destruction.

5. They're Sirius and Remus, with an emphasis on the and.

Goodnight everyone!
Not that anyone really cares, but I thought I'd let you all know that I have succeeded in my quest to find some decent het smut.

I had to delve into the pairing Harry/Luna, and it still wasn't the best smut I've ever read, but at least it wasn't horrible.

And it was funny, because Luna was impeccably in character, and Luna is funny.

Oh, I should mention, (to appease the world of Harry/Ginny shippers) that the fic was a Harry/Ginny fic at its core. And here's some quotes for explaination:

Luna to Harry: I've just had a really horrible week, myself, and I thought it might cheer us both up if we just fuck.

"It's nice that you're interested in Ginny," Luna mused. "You were screaming her name quite loudly."

I feel better about the world of fanfiction authors. My hope is restored!




"Girls like to think of boys kissing too, Harry"
You know you have a problem when you have to actually get up and stretch out your leg muscles because they hurt from being in one positon for so long because you were so involved in a fic where Remus brings Sirius back from beyond the veil that you forgot you had legs altogether, much less that you should move them once in a while.


“You mauled me. You kissed me into the lake of the undead.”
“Like you didn’t enjoy it."

Ahhh, how I love beautiful fic. How I love it when Sirius comes back.

I missed my computer. I missed my Wolfstar.

I'm done.

Current Mood:
peaceful

It's late, I'm not in bed, and I feel like updating.

I am also reading fanfic. You know what that means! QUOTES!

But first, I realized while watching part of The Mummy today that the Americans are totally the Marauders reincarnated. There's even one with dark hair and big glasses. And one who's blondeish and not as gung ho. And one really hot one. And one sort of coward one. Yup they're the marauders. Don't try to talk me out of it. I will not be swayed. That's who they are.

I have decided that I love Collar!Fic. Well, I mean, I always knew it, but now it's official.(That's just for Becky) Oh, yes, Collar!Fic is any fic in which Sirius wears a collar, which includes Stealing Harry, if I'm not mistaken.

On a similar note, someday when I have the boyfriend/fiance/husband of my dreams, I'm going to buy him a collar. Not a bondage collar, not a scary spike "Look at me I'm a punk emo rocker guy" collar, just a nice sexy collar. Maybe with a cute little nametag thing. Yeah.

And then he will wear nothing but the collar, and it will be good. But you don't really want to hear about that, now do you?

QUOTES! (From Collar!Fic) If you don't want to read fanfic quotes, you can skip all the text in green...

Mr. Black, comma, Most Ancient and Noble House of

Punk rock birds. Pink hair, metal chains, no knickers. (Do you punk girls have that? Ha ha ha.)

"I thought Runes homework first, and then Defence.”
“Moony,” Sirius groans,  “you sure know how to show a lad a good time.”

"Oh, your mum’s a Dark Art,” Sirius growls into the mattress.
“No, your mum’s a Dark Art,” Remus counters, in a smug tone



(YOUR MOM like woah)

Puppy-Dog Eyes of Doom

Now out of my bed, you mangy creature.

Most of Hogwarts knows that making Sirius Black so much as knot his tie in the morning when he has better things in mind is generally a feat approaching impossibility, and Sirius is rather proud of this fact.

and oh fuck now he’s thinking about naked, and that is not really helping, is it?

 

OY JEAN! (And anyone else who read the chicken pox fic) DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE SEQUELS? (I didn't ask you all to read them because they're hardcore smut) but here're some quotes from one of them:

Moony’s Daft-Bastard Sleeping Cheer of Joy

A sleeping Moony was a lovely thing, but not nearly so lovely as a waking one

Daft bastard Moony. How he loved him.

They weren’t the type to keep coils of rope under the bed (Well now that's a real damn shame...)

"Heyyyyy. There’s a Moony in my bed. Hello Moony. Missed you.”

Secret File of Things That Would Probably Never Be Spoken Of In Quite The Same Way Again, Coming As They Did, Right After Sex

Ok, I'm done. I really should be in bed...it's awfully late...oh well.

Eek

Feb. 19th, 2005 12:49 am
Ok, I'm sorry, and I know no one reads these, but I can't help myself.

You are going to be subjected to some fanfic quotes. Deal with it.

Fic 1

There was nothing erotic about a nude and trembling Remus. Nothing. (This is said by Sirius, who is trying and failing to convince himself)

It was only when Remus swooned that Sirius remembered the importance of breathing.

Fic 2

It was quite sad, the way some men were brought low by underpants.

Crumbs had no place whatsoever in the jam and Moony always forgot...

He really loved explosions, particularly when they sparkled. (This is the best line ever!)

Moony, for his part, was pretty tolerant of it. Estella was a nice bike, he said, mortifying Sirius with the description. Estella was not nice- Estella was mad, bad, and dangerous to know. “Nice”, honestly.

It was all a façade, of course; the things that came out of that boy’s (Remus's) mouth when he was being held down and tickled would scandalize Mundungus Fletcher.

He needed the best exploding things he could find. With glitter, if possible. He wanted Moony to have bits of sparkly things stuck in his hair for weeks.

"Why y’kiss’n me?” he would murmur sleepily, and Moony would say, “’Cause you’re completely daft, now be quiet.”

There was simply nothing in the world as wonderful as a warm, sleepy Moony.

Moony rolled his eyes and snorted and in general tried very, very hard to look like an adult, but spoiled it by snickering.

“Snuffles?” Sirius hissed, looking pained, and Remus gave him a delighted, wicked grin and said yes, Snuffles, wasn’t that a nice name for a dog?

(The two get each other clouds that rain candy and presents down on their heads. This is Sirius' reaction.) He thought he might have candy hearts down the front of his shorts, and also possibly a concussion.

Fic 3

The trouble with living with another person, Remus thought... is that you’ve got to live with another person.

(Sirius' poem to Remus:)
Violets are purple
Your eyes are brown
You are the fellow
On whom I go down

Lily sipped her tea. “I kick James when he hogs the blankets. In the shins. Hard.”
“And what happens?” Remus asked.
“He wakes up, apologizes, hands back the blankets, and…”
“And?”
Lily shrugged. “We go back to sleep. If he hogs them again, I kick him again. If not…”

“You’re so...canine,” Remus grunted.
Sirius chuckled. “I’m your bitch."

I’ve been trying to get you into my bed forever; I’d never intentionally push you out.

“It’s amazing,” James confided unhappily, “the concessions men are willing to make when they haven’t gotten laid for two weeks.”

“Any idea,” grumbled Sirius, “is better than depriving me of sex.”
“I agree. Depriving you of sex means depriving me of sex. And frankly, I like getting laid,” Remus said.

(More of Sirius' poetry)
“Roses are red,
My eyes are grey,
Wouldn’t you hate it
If I weren’t gay?”

(Ok, Hannah, if you find yourself reading this, what exactly is the age difference between Lupin and Tonks? Because here she's four and drawing pictures of people while Remus watches her)
“Your nose is strange,” Dora commented.
“Sorry,” said Remus.
“I don’t like your nose. I’m not drawing it.”

"I did Mummy and Daddy and Cousin See-rus. My black crayon’s almost gone,” she complained.

There was a grey-eyed stick figure with what looked like a black storm cloud attached to his head. Beside him stood a slightly shorter stick figure with brown eyes, and no nose.


Ok that's it. I'm done. I'm sorry to subject you all to this, but I just can't keep my love of these stories quiet.

Oh, and Bart, nothing you ever tell me can rival the things I read about Remus/Sirius. But please don't try. Heh. Love ya!

I am dangerous when I am on vacation and have nothing to do but update my journal.

I'm rereading the sequels to Stealing Harry, and I found these and they're quite frankly hysterical...

Harry asking about the birds and the bees "And girls don't lay eggs?"

Remus and Sirius haven't been quite as inconspicuous as they thought... "So how do you do it with all boy parts?"

Sirius could hear Remus' sly murmur in his head. Any number of enjoyable ways...

I highly recommend reading it here...http://oojahs.snoo.org/stealingharry/rh05birdsbees.htm

And don't forget to read my fics too...I posted them about two posts ago...they're good...just want to make sure you don't forget about them...I promise I'll stop eventually...

Back!

Jan. 16th, 2005 12:44 am
Wow I am such a dork. Livejournal was down for like maybe 24 hours and I did not know what to do with myself heh.

So here is what you missed:

Eric broke his finger playing basketball.

My dad fell asleep while holding his half full wine glass, and dropped it, spilling red wine all over the carpet, chouch, and his pants. Damn senile old drunk. Heh.

And I bloody found it!

"Yay potatoes!" Harry said, climbing into one of the dining-room chairs. Both of them looked at him.
"Did you like mashed potatoes when you were eight?" Remus asked.
"Hated them."
"Me too."
Sirius shrugged, and pushed Remus gently towards the table. "He can have my peas, too..." Remus called after him.

Hee hee hee. I love Becky.

So. As for the movie, the last quote was indeed from A Knight's Tale, and Paul Bettany rocks my world! Janeea and Kim got it correct, and for a prize they get to be the first to know that I got a new ligature today! Yippiee!

Here is the next quote: "You are a fat pudding, stuffed with proverbs."

Good Luck!
It's that time again kiddies!

If he had died, where would he be?
Well, dead for one.

Poking in his refrigerator, he made a face and pulled out things that weren't food anymore and possibly were their own life forms.

Hee hee hee! I <3 this story!

Ahhhh

Nov. 6th, 2004 03:08 pm
I thought I would read some fanfiction last night, and then thoroughly depressed myself by reading what is possibly the WORST Remus/Sirius fic I have ever read. Ugh.

My mood was salvaged however by a rec for a fic that is Remus/Sirius and Lily/James, and also a very amusing quote from a different fic. *Sigh* I have decided that I either want Sirius or want to be Lily. James is cool. And hot.

So anyways, in the fic James and Sirius hold Remus down, literally, and pierce his ear.
Remus: Don’t! I’ll bleed, I hate to bleed, it’ll hurt, my ear will get infected and I’ll die, and then you’ll be sorry, you bastards...

Later...

Remus: It’s... nice. I – I like it. Thank you.
Sirius wipes away an imaginary tear and clutches James. James pretends to sob into his shoulder.
“We had no idea you would love it this much,” Sirius chokes out. James howls mournfully, while Sirius pats his back. “We are touched.” (I laughed like a thing that laughs at things)

The fic about Lily and James is so incredably beautifully written...

She constantly amazes him, surprises him, and this is no exception. He thinks he could spend a million years with Lily Evans and still not learn everything about her, but god, he wants to try.

He thinks he could drown in her, and enjoy it.

His glasses are spotted with water, but he's not running blind and naked into the lake.

Everything he is or ever will be, everything he wants, he wants to give her, to have with her, and he wants to share everything she is or ever will be.

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! I am such a hopeless romantic and I know it very well. I just love...love. Lily and James are the epitome of all that is good in the world. They are a perfect love that everyone knows ends badly, but even in death they are still in love. I WANT THAT!

Ficyness

Oct. 16th, 2004 11:33 pm
In case no one has noticed, I have nothing better to do than update my livejournal...AND I LIKE IT!

Ok, Sirius REALLY does not like his family. Duh, of course, but still.

Even he can see that Regulus is a defector. If their parents had had a bit more foresight, they could've named him Traitor Black. But then, that's a bit redundant, isn' it? (Ouch. This is from a really really really well written fic that I have not yet finished but that I suspect will involve shagging later on. Will keep you all updated, not that you care, and post the link later.)

AHHHHHHHH HOLY FRIGGING AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Sirius has had a telephone FOISTED on him! He too has been foisted! We are meant for each other.
"The guy from Muggle Artifacts – Arthur...something – has been foisting things on him."

Having your supervisor-slash-friend hanging over your shoulder sort of puts a crimp in any plans of mass destruction, Sirius has found.

But when Sirius stands over his brother's body, too pale, too blank, his stomach feels empty and painful. He collapses to his knees on the rough wood floor and starts to vomit. (I think I may cry. My baby! Ohhhhhhh!)\

Sirius is only really sure about one thing and that is that for however much he has always wanted Remus, Remus wants him back. Because they're Sirius and Remus, with an emphasis on the and.
(That's it, this story has killed me. Dead. *Brains*)

But, after taking so many years to finally get here, Sirius knows that nothing less than forever is going to cut it.


And now I am going to go cry with the absolute beauty of this fic.

Oh, yes, and there was shagging, but not in great detail.

READ IT HERE! http://www.livejournal.com/users/riko/35634.html#cutid1
OMG Kelli I love you! I'm finally reading Ginny's Gift! Ahhhh the hilarity!

"Have I interrupted something? Giving Harry a special present, are we?"
(She wasn't, by the way)

Harry heard Ginny swearing under her breath. He'd never realised she had such an extensive vocabulary.

"Besides, we know you'd never do anything to hurt her."
"Nah, Ron would kill you."
"If there was anything left of you after Ginny got through with you, that is."


"How long did it take you to notice Hermione was interested in you?"
"That doesn't count. Hermione isn't a normal girl. She's exceptional. She's subtle."
"She had to resort to making the first move herself, Ron. Practically had to hit you over the head with it."
It's that time again, kiddies!

"I asked you to humour me," Sirius says suddenly, "Not fuck me."
"I always was an overachiever," Remus says with a sigh.

Wow, that's all. Not much was terribly memorable in this binge.
So every Friday I come home from a long, stressful week of school and take a break from the world and read fan fiction for hours on end. Here are some highlights:

Sirius was just staring at him with that intense, ‘I’m about to do something reckless and completely nonsensical’ look in his eyes.

But then when they went to Hogsmeade she asked if he would be her boyfriend and that brought up an image of James, enraged, with his hands around Remus’ neck, choking him, and he finally got up the courage to say "no, I’m sorry, you’re a nice girl but I don’t like you that way Lily" and it was a big relief.

This had to be the stupidest thing he had ever done. Really, this was stupider than getting bitten by a werewolf…
Well, maybe not as much, but it was one of the stupidest things he’d ever done.

Sirius Black is easy laughter and flashing grey eyes, careless grace and mercurial passions. He is a rogue, a tempest, a cheerful mess of a human being.

Remus says, eyes half-closed, “Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art”
“Hey, I remember that one.”
“’Course you do,” Remus mumbles into Sirius’s neck, “‘S about sex.”
“Your words wound me, Moony. You wound my very soul. Besides, I remember lots of things… Things that aren’t about sex.” (The quote is from a poem by Keats. I think we are going to be reading Keats in English class. I will giggle and my dirty mind will work. Oh dear.)

”When the moon and the brightest star align, a path will be created. From that path, the star and moon will always meet because being the brightest in the sky, naturally they would share it together.”
Or some such nonsense like that. It was like some crackpot chapter in his Divination text or something stranger.

And that's all folks!
There is a 31 part fic and part...um...10? is about that.

Some quotes from part 13:

'Dad, when have I ever been to a wild party?’ Remus smiled sheepishly. What his father did not know would not hurt him.

‘How does it feel to be emancipated from the Noble and Ancient House of Whack-jobs?’
After all, being a werewolf wasn’t exactly a life of fame and glory and sipping Earl Grey Tea with the moon by a crackling fireplace. (It wasn't?)

Sub:(Talking about Mrs. Costello and how she doesn't hole punch ANYTHING) Well people have their preferences...
Colin: And some people are just crazy.
So. We were watching this movie about Charles Darwin in Anthropology, and Darwin discovered that male barnacles are nothing more than a tiny head on top of a giant coiled penis. Then his brother goes "Bit like me, really." And I think that this is a bit like all human males, so that is my evidence for evolution.

Random Fan Fic Quotes:

Sirius crawled towards Remus with the grace and agility of a pregnant cow.

"Are you sure this is all right to drink?"
"C'mon, Moony, I'm not stupid."
"No, but you'll look a bit stupid if you have to graduate tomorrow as a newt."

Sirius looked up at his own star, the dog-star, distant and bright and as helpful as ever, which was to say not at all. (Bit like Sirius himself, don't you think?)

For Hannahmylove: My thoughts were cold, but I laid them against the name of Remus and they rested on warm ground.

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