Random quotes from the past week that I'm too lazy to explain the full context of.

She ends up with two Stars of David. With mayo. - Abby, describing her friend Al's way of eating sandwiches.

Professor Lubkowitz: *spills his water on the keyboard of the classroom computer* Do you think that's bad?
Class: YES!
Professor Lubkowitz: *holding keyboard upside down, letting water run out* I'm having water issues. My well ran dry last night. I had to shower at work.

Father Mac: Do you know Zach Pratt? *points at Zach Pratt*
Girl: I do now.
Father Mac: That's too bad.

The set up: Then the boys in Christian Ethics today had to justify lying in a crisis. They did this by describing a situation involving Randy holding Tom's wife hostage until Tom wired him $1,000,000, at which point Randy pistol whipped Tom and his wife, leaving them unconscious but alive. The class's objective was to show how lying was not justified in that situation.
Someone: What if he doesn't love his wife?
Jeff Mack: *muttering* You can take her and the million dollars...


None of these really convey the hilarity of their situations, but they're the best I can do.